"noone can stop us or slow us down"

god..i dont know what to fucking do. i dont trust my love enough to stay away from him for too long. and thats not even all the reason though. you'd be pretty upset if you were sleeping on a couch with a fucked up back, having to breathe in bogie smoke from three different people the second you wake you. if you had to hear a fucking baby throw fits all the time, on top of the head ache from all the smoke. nothing to eat, nothing to do. nobody to hang out with here. all i have is this laptop and my phone. my phone which is not doing me any justice considering everytime i call cj or he calls me it will last for like less than ten minutes because he wants to ddo something or because he just wants to get off the phone. when i text him, he most likely will not text back. whatever. i cant breathe in this house. im sick and i feel like shit from all this fucking smoke. i miss my boyfriend and i cant stop crying. when we say goodbye to eachother on the phone i try to keep myself from crying. i know ill see him tomorrow but what after that? i already know we are just going to keep moving further and further apart from eachother. he's gunna find someone cooler than me to hangout with that lives closer to him. im gunna end up getting more and more lonely and try to see him more and hes gunna bug because im being too attached. i already know it. it'll happen. he told me a few minutes ago on the phone that he was going to come get me because he knows thats what i want but know he said fuck it hes not going to because ive been giving him an attitude all day. seriouslly? dont try to fucking threaten me. i havn't beein giving yo an attitude all day. i have simply been UPSET because i miss you that much. being sad, and just plain out being a bitch are two totally different things. i was trying to explain that to him but really everytime i opened my mouth i just couldnt talk without bringing on tears. i want to fall asleep in his arms. i want to hold his hand. i want to kiss him. but instead, im sitting here on the couch which i will be sleeping on once again tonight, alone, listening to thrice, crying. how am i going to do this for months more, when i cant even handle two days?

i can already tell im getting depressed here. im falling right back into that same rut i was in last year. first ill stop eating..then ill stop sleeping.. and then ill be going back to all the parties.
cool. really fucking cool. at least ill have something to do and ill be filling the lonelyness in me.
later.